I hate the fact that my first inclination, when encountered with a new food or when I have one of those “fat” (bloated) days is to count and calculate calories.
I hate that I sometimes plan my day around eating – not in a good way, but in an “I have to eat this at this time” type of way.
I hate it that when I’m in a new situation, my instinct is to restrict.
I hate that magazines make women feel less than beautiful if we don’t look like a certain ideal.
I hate that society says that women should always eat less than men. As a tall female, 5’10” to be exact, there are men who are shorter than me. I actually may need to eat MORE than them to fuel my body properly.
I hate that I need to gain weight. But, the truth is, I DO need to gain weight in order to be 100% healthy and to live the life I want to lead.
I hate that I believed the lie for so long that if only I was thin enough, everything else would fall into place. It would make life easier. It doesn’t.
I hate Weight Watchers. Now, hear me out on this one. I know Weight Watchers has done wonderful things for many people. And I’m so glad that those people were able to use the program to become healthier. However, for me, it did the opposite. It encouraged counting points. As in, count every.little.thing. that goes past your lips. As a perfectionist, I of course did this very well, better than I should have, naturally. There was never a day when I ate all my points. Eating less = success. This in turn led to calorie counting and restrictive dieting.
I hate the fact that the media glorifies over-exercising. The more exercising you do, the better, more fit, and healthier person you are. This is SO not true, friends. In fact, over-exercising is downright scary. It can cause you to be so fatigued that you end up hurting yourself. Even scarier, it can put stress on your heart which could lead to a heart attack.
I hate that I feel the need to stand and be unnecessarily active (i.e.: do laundry, clean, grade papers standing up, etc. – when I really don’t NEED to do these things) instead of doing things like watching a movie on the couch with my hubby.
I hate that I feel like I need to do some type of workout every.day. Oh, except Sundays, but on Sunday, I need to do other things to keep me active.
I hate photoshop.
I hate low-calorie diet plans. Can we puh-leeeze stop worrying about calories and just eat nutrient dense, whole, natural, and at times deliciously fried or sweet foods?!
I hate that I have a hard time believing and taking to heart the statement above.
My heart breaks when I think about all the time I’ve wasted and experiences I’ve missed out on because of partaking and believing in many of the things that I hate – letting my disordered eating and thoughts control my life. As much as I’d like to, I cannot go back and change the past. But, what I CAN do is change the future. I know, and am learning, what I need to do to take care of myself, to enjoy a FULL life – days spent in pajamas, dessert when I want it, rich meals like creamy pastas and casseroles full of deliciousness balanced with yummy fruits and veggies, grilled chicken salads, snack plates, and active days spent kayaking, walking, and playing tennis with my husband.
I am slowly giving myself the freedom to become me – truly who I am, who I was designed to be – free of the pressures and expectations of the world and myself.
I am now a more confident, stronger, loving, spontaneous, and joyful wife, daughter, sister, friend, and teacher. I have days that are wonderful and days that are much more difficult. But, I’m progressing, I’m learning, and I’m slowly taking back control of my life – or rather, giving complete control over to the one who created me, died for me, and saved me.
Today, on Treat Yourself Tuesday, I’m treating myself by letting go of the lies and clinging to the truth. I hope you will too!
1. What do you hate?
2. Can you relate to any of my “hatreds?”
3. What is one thing you’ve done to become a more true version of YOU – free of pressures and expectations of others?