Happy Friday friends! I feel like this is the first “real” Friday of 2014, where we’ve all been back to work and life is getting back to normal after the holidays.
Not to be a drag on your Friday, but I have some things I need to share with you. In keeping with the theme of my blog name, I want to be 100% genuine, sincere, and real 100% of the time (as much as possible. Obviously, I’m not going to share EVERYTHING on the world wide web).
So without further adieu,
5 Things Having an Eating Disorder has Taught Me
1. I can’t do it all. I know what you’re thinking…duh!! Right?? Well, I guess in theory, I knew this, but living with and recovering from and eating disorder really made it hit it home. There is no way I can be a loving wife, caring and responsible teacher, spontaneous friend, supportive sister, and helpful, respectful daughter, and do it all perfectly. It’s impossible. But, my eating disorder told me that if I would just eat less and exercise more, I would be empowered to do it all. WRONG! If anything, over exercising and under eating makes me even less capable to do all those things. Through recovery, I’m learning that I can’t do it all, and it’s ok. No one expects me to…except for me.
2. Food is just food, until we give it the power to be more. Honestly, this is a lesson I’m still learning. Food used to, and to an extent still does, have so much power in my life. Eating the right food and the right amount made me feel unstoppable. I used to think to myself, “I’m not eating all those fried chicken fingers, french fries, and cake, so I’m better than those who are.” But let’s be honest, that’s stupid. And, in the meantime, those who were eating those things are having a blast, and me, well, I’m in my own little food induced hell.
And just as the right food could make me feel good, the wrong food, well, it could make me feel downright awful. Give in and take a few bites of sister’s fries or husband’s pasta and I beat myself up about it all night. Not to mention trying to make up for it the next day through eating less an exercising more. When any normal person would just shrug their shoulders, vow to do better the next day, and move on.
I’ve learned that I hate the power I gave food, and I want it – and am taking it – back.
3. I need to love myself. My husband tells me all the time that he wishes I could see myself as everyone else sees me. You see, i don’t give myself credit for anything. It’s hard for me to feel proud of myself without feeling guilty of being prideful. It’s hard for me to feel like I “deserve” to pamper myself. It’s hard for me to give myself a break after a difficult day, or even harder, just because I feel like taking a break. I always feel like I must do something to “earn” or “deserve” it.
But that idea, my friends is straight from the devil. God sent his son to die for me in order that I might be saved. And there’s nothing I could EVER do to deserve that. He did it out of his love for ME. I can’t even begin to fathom that. So, you know what? If he loves me THAT much…to DIE for me, the least I can do is to love myself and enjoy the life God has blessed me with. Enjoy the people he’s placed around me, even when that means parking my butt on the couch all day to watch movies with my husband – when I haven’t worked out or accomplished anything productive that day.
4. No one wants to be friends with a perfectionist. Seriously…who wants to be friends with someone who always comes across as perfect?? I know I certainly wouldn’t. I’d feel horrible about myself every time I did something wrong, didn’t workout, didn’t wear the cutest thing, do all the laundry, have my house cleaned, etc, etc, etc. – if that friend over there always had everything done perfectly.
Well, guess who strives to do everything perfectly and never come across as flawed? Yep..me. It’s when I become vulnerable, show my imperfections, and am truly me, no apologies, that people want to be my friends and are drawn in. I’m learning to not care so much about presenting a perfect, pretty package, but rather presenting me – just as I am.
5 I’m always going to be a work in progress. Even on days when I’m feeling pretty good about how my job went, my progress in recovery, being a great wife, etc, there’s always something that could still use work. And guess what, that’s ok.
That’s why God’s grace (giving us what we do not deserve) and mercy (NOT giving us what we do deserve) are so astounding. I’m always going to be working on things, and He’s going to love me anyway. In fact, he loves the fact that I’m always a work in progress. It makes me look to Him and rely on Him because I’m never going to be perfect. I’m always going to need Him.
And if you’re still reading, you deserve froyo. Yikes…that got long! Apologies. But the truth is, I could probably keep going for days. No worries, I’ll spare you for now.
Maybe you can identify with one or more of these things. I’d love to hear any feedback you have or for you to share somethings you’ve learned. We can all use the support! 🙂
On that note..Happy Friday! Have a great weekend!!