Do You Know What I Hate?

I hate the fact that my first inclination, when encountered with a new food or when I have one of those “fat” (bloated) days is to count and calculate calories.

I hate that I sometimes plan my day around eating – not in a good way, but in an “I have to eat this at this time” type of way.

I hate it that when I’m in a new situation, my instinct is to restrict.

I hate that magazines make women feel less than beautiful if we don’t look like a certain ideal.

I hate that society says that women should always eat less than men. As a tall female, 5’10” to be exact, there are men who are shorter than me. I actually may need to eat MORE than them to fuel my body properly.

I hate that I need to gain weight. But, the truth is, I DO need to gain weight in order to be 100% healthy and to live the life I want to lead.

I hate that I believed the lie for so long that if only I was thin enough, everything else would fall into place. It would make life easier. It doesn’t.

I hate Weight Watchers. Now, hear me out on this one. I know Weight Watchers has done wonderful things for many people. And I’m so glad that those people were able to use the program to become healthier. However, for me, it did the opposite. It encouraged counting points. As in, count every.little.thing. that goes past your lips. As a perfectionist, I of course did this very well, better than I should have, naturally. There was never a day when I ate all my points. Eating less = success. This in turn led to calorie counting and restrictive dieting.

I hate the fact that the media glorifies over-exercising. The more exercising you do, the better, more fit, and healthier person you are. This is SO not true, friends. In fact, over-exercising is downright scary. It can cause you to be so fatigued that you end up hurting yourself. Even scarier, it can put stress on your heart which could lead to a heart attack.

I hate that I feel the need to stand and be unnecessarily active (i.e.: do laundry, clean, grade papers standing up, etc. – when I really don’t NEED to do these things) instead of doing things like watching a movie on the couch with my hubby.

I hate that I feel like I need to do some type of workout every.day. Oh, except Sundays, but on Sunday, I need to do other things to keep me active.

I hate photoshop.

I hate low-calorie diet plans. Can we puh-leeeze stop worrying about calories and just eat nutrient dense, whole, natural, and at times deliciously fried or sweet foods?!

I hate that I have a hard time believing and taking to heart the statement above.

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My heart breaks when I think about all the time I’ve wasted and experiences I’ve missed out on because of partaking and believing in many of the things that I hate – letting my disordered eating and thoughts control my life. As much as I’d like to, I cannot go back and change the past. But, what I CAN do is change the future. I know, and am learning, what I need to do to take care of myself, to enjoy a FULL life – days spent in pajamas, dessert when I want it, rich meals like creamy pastas and casseroles full of deliciousness balanced with yummy fruits and veggies, grilled chicken salads, snack plates, and active days spent kayaking, walking, and playing tennis with my husband.

I am slowly giving myself the freedom to become me – truly who I am, who I was designed to be – free of the pressures and expectations of the world and myself.

I am now a more confident, stronger, loving, spontaneous, and joyful wife, daughter, sister, friend, and teacher. I have days that are wonderful and days that are much more difficult. But, I’m progressing, I’m learning, and I’m slowly taking back control of my life – or rather, giving complete control over to the one who created me, died for me, and saved me.

Today, on Treat Yourself Tuesday, I’m treating myself by letting go of the lies and clinging to the truth. I hope you will too!

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Let’s Chat…

1. What do you hate?

2. Can you relate to any of my “hatreds?”

3. What is one thing you’ve done to become a more true version of YOU – free of pressures and expectations of others?

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22 thoughts on “Do You Know What I Hate?

  1. I FEEL YA, SISTER!!! Sending you virtual hugs. Looks like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and while I know it’s difficult right now… you’ll get to a better place soon.

    • Thanks for the hugs friend! I’m definitely in a MUCH better place than I was this time last year, and the year before. I was just feeling some frustration, and had to get it off my chest, ya know?

  2. Very powerful post today! I wish I could give you a hug and just tell you I think you are doing amazing on this road. I hate all the notions that you always have to cut down on food, too. I am a perfectionist as well, and know when I do count calories, I eat less or try to make sure I never go over, even when it doesn’t matter to me. I definitely relate to a lot of yours about society! Keep your head up :)

    • Aw, thank you so much Heather! I gladly accept the hugs! Isn’t it twisted…all the lies we buy into, even when we know better? Nice to know we’re not in this crazy battle alone! Thanks for the encouragement!

  3. My heart breaks for you. I know this may seem like a hard time in your life (having to gain weight), but I promise you – it’ll all be okay. Sure we can say we hate that we did such and such to our body, but you know… believe it or not there was a reason. God has laid a plan out for us from day one & will only continue guiding you as you grow older. We may not understand the reasoning behind each chapter in our lives, but just smile & embrace what YOU have to offer the future Sarah <3

    • Thanks so much for your sweet comment, Jessie! I’ve actually been doing well recently, but I get frustrated with the process sometimes, AND frustrated with the way our society idolizes the “perfect” female diet, over-exercising, and under-eating. I LOVE the point you made about God having a reason for everything that happens in our lives. AMEN sister! Like you said, I may not understand it, but HE does.

      LOVE your sweet heart, friend!

  4. Great post- I love when people are raw with their emotions and don’t try to mask their struggles with any issues they may be going through. I hope you continue to head in the right direction! Stay strong :)

    • Thanks for the encouragement, Kim! I agree with you – I love it when we’re honest with our emotions and feelings. Everyone goes through difficulties, and lots of times we can relate to each other through these difficulties. :-)

  5. Amen!
    Thank you so much for posting this Sarah. I have fallen to each one of these traps and snares- and paid the price (big time)! Ah, and the “new situation” one- oh my did I nod my head there!
    It is such a slippery slope that really “sucks” to work your way out of. I had to learn to surrender to Him instead, because I seriously don’t have what it takes.
    Thank you, this is so needed!

    • You’re right – it is SUCH a slippery slope. I too am constantly having to surrender it all to the Lord because I’m definitely not capable of handling it alone.

  6. So, I just discovered your blog and I love it! I really appreciate and agree with many of your points – I’m so not a fan of the overexercising thing! And the low calorie diets…ugh. However, I struggle with that too…I definitely get tempted to beat myself up for any “unhealthy” items I choose to eat…lots of things to think about!

    • Thanks, girl! I hope you’ll decide to stick around! :-) Isn’t crazy how our minds wore – sending us on a guilt trip when we eat something enjoyable?

  7. Oooooh I hate Weight Watchers too. I feel like it promotes people constantly counting calories but also really poor nutrition. All their premade foods are so bad for you! Drives me insane…

    I also tend to want to count calories a lot too, as I have in the past. Sometimes it really helps, but sometimes it is just a mess for me. Ugh!

    • Weight Watchers is definitely NOT one of my favorite programs! Like you said, it just encourages unhealthy habits. You’re so right – counting calories often turns into one giant mess!

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  10. Sarah, I’ve been behind on blog reading for quite a while – I’m playing catchup on your blog so I’m just now reading this…..
    girl, I can relate to SO many of these points – I haven’t talked about it much on my blog, but I would love to chat sometime. This past year I’ve been working SO hard to overcome these things, and I’ve made progress but still have a ways to go. Please email me sometime!
    And also, I promise, with God on your side, you’ll achieve the life/thoughts/health you want <3

    • Behind on blog reading is the story of my life, so I totally understand!

      I’d LOVE to chat sometime about all this too! I’ve been working for almost 3 years now, trying to push through all of this junk and come out happier and healthier! I 110% agree with you…if we just keep handing it all to the Lord, we’ll get there!

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